OPINION–Halloween is almost here, and it’s time for everyone, kids and adults alike, to go out and dress up their favorite superheroes! Don’t have a costume yet? Never done cosplay before? No sweat–we’ve got you covered! Use one of these foolproof and time-tested ideas to be the star of every Halloween party you attend!
What you’ll need: An iron. Being a man.
What to do: If you’re a dude, just go out in your normal clothes while holding a normal iron, and tell people that you’re Iron Man! It’s that easy!
Bonus points: Add a pair of sunglasses or shave your facial hair into a Tony-Stark-style mustache and goatee. Or, just strap a huge ironing board to your back as well, and walk around like that all night. All your friends will see just how committed you are to that lame pun.
What you’ll need: A bathrobe. Sunglasses. Long hair or a wig. A large physique–or maybe just some pillows. Probably a few beer cans.
What to do: Ever wanted to dress up as Thor, but bummed that you didn’t have those godlike Asgardian abs? You may be in luck–as of this year, thousands of big-bellied fanboys now have the physique of the god of Thunder! Just get a bathrobe, a wig, and a beer can, and you too can look just like Thor from Avengers: Endgame!
Drawbacks: Your costume will likely be confused for the Big Lebowski.
What you’ll need: A plaid collared shirt. A jacket. Gray hair dye/spray.
What to do: This is another instance when Avengers: Endgame made cosplay that much easier! You no longer need to be physically fit to be Steve Rogers. Just get a grandpa shirt and jacket, spray your hair gray, and sit on a bench by yourself all night!
Tip: When people ask you to come join the party or even to tell them who you’re dressed as, just say, “No, I don’t think I will.”
What you’ll need: Dark clothes. Eyeliner. Aluminum foil.
What to do: Being Bucky is simple! Just wear black, smear on some eyeliner, and completely wrap your right arm up in aluminum foil! Helps if you already have long, dark hair.
Bonus points: Carry a gun (preferably a toy one) and scowl at everyone you see. When people ask if you’re supposed to be Bucky, just glare at them and ask, “Who the hell is Bucky?”
Skrulls, or Mystique.
What you’ll need: Literally any clothing or accessories you want. What you’re wearing right now is great!
What to do: It’s easy! Since the alien Skrulls and the mutant Mystique both have shapeshifting powers, just show up looking however you want and tell people that’s who you are! They’ll think your costume is so clever!
Bonus points: Team up with a friend. Have one of you actually dress as a Skrull (with the green, pointy ears) and one of you actually dress as Mystique (with the blue skin). But whenever someone compliments you on your Skrull costume, insist that you’re actually Mystique, and vice versa.
What you’ll need: A rake. Lots of glue.
What to do: Cosplaying Groot is easy this time of year! First, go outside and rake together a huge pile of sticks, twigs, and leaves. Then, smear your arms, legs, head, and torso with copious amounts of glue. Don’t be shy–just slather it on! You may even want to lie down completely in a tub full of glue. Finally, go jump in that huge pile of sticks and roll around until you’re sufficiently covered. Boom–you are Groot!
Optional: Wear clothes under your glue and sticks, for your comfort and everyone else’s.
This one actually works for a number of Marvel characters, including Star-Lord, Black Panther, and Doctor Strange, too! And it’s actually pretty similar to the Groot costume–but instead of sticks and twigs, just cover your whole body with ashes, and sit there in a motionless pile all night! If you can’t find any spare ashes lying around, then try using dust or salt instead.
What you’ll need: Normal clothes–optionally with a nerdy T-shirt or a slobby, mismatched outfit. A bad attitude.
What to do: Here’s another simple costume! Just show up in your normal clothes and go around telling all your friends about how Disney is ruining Star Wars and Captain Marvel is a terrible character! You can also criticize everyone else’s costumes for not being accurate to the source material. The more rude and obnoxious you are, the more you’ll sell the role! All your friends will be awed at the intentional irony and profundity of your costume!
If you’re a girl, then your options are endless! Just take literally any one of the above ideas, but do them with only a short skirt and a bra! Everyone knows that female costumes are just supposed to be cheap, sexy derivatives of male ones, right? At least, that’s what the costume industry seems to think!
Easiest costume of all! Just stay home.
Photo credits: Flickr Creative Commons user Amy MacKinnon (left– https://preview.tinyurl.com/y5epgebx); Creative Commons user GabboT (center–https://ccsearch.creativecommons.org/photos/fad1e013-938a-48b8-9c30-e80647698783); Flickr Creative Commons user istolethetv (right– https://tinyurl.com/yysdr4vd). All used within parameters of the photos’ given licenses.