Gather around for another movie review done in the mighty Marvelous Movies manner! While Fantastic Four: First Steps deservedly swept the box office this summer (Superman who?), many fans didn’t realize that a prequel was quietly released only about six weeks earlier! Marvel’s first romantic comedy-drama, Fantastic Four: Materialists stars Pedro Pascal as Reed Richards/Mister Fantastic, Chris Evans as Johnny Storm/the Human Torch, and Dakota Johnson as Cassandra Webb/Madame Web.

Following up from last year’s critically acclaimed Madame Web film, Materialists opens on Cassie Webb (Johnson). Due to her clairvoyant abilities and her connection to the web of life and destiny, she now has a successful career as a professional matchmaker. She can’t do much superheroing of her own since the last movie left her blind and parapalegic (Marvel certainly doesn’t have any superheroes fitting those descriptions!), so now she just acts as a mysterious and cryptic mentor to other spider-themed heroes–while also weaving together the strands of other people’s relationships. It just proves what they say about love being blind!

But, just like the Red Skull on Vormir, Madame Web guides others to a treasure she cannot possess. While helping so many others find love, Cassie remains perpetually single herself. That is, until Reed Richards (Pascal) enters the picture! He’s become a millionaire from patenting so many successful inventions, and he immediately takes an interest in Cassie. She soon begins to date him, attracted to his wealth and his superhuman ability to elongate any part of his body.

Cassie and Reed are having fifty shades of great times together–until Johnny Storm (Evans) shows up! It turns out that Johnny and Cassie are old flames, but even though he’s smokin’ hot, she’s been burned before. Nonetheless, Johnny still has the hots for Cassie and is determined to win her back. Adding Johnny to the love triangle will really heat things up–to about 180 degrees!

Over time, though, Cassie begins to realize that things with Reed aren’t quite what they seem. He’s actually used his stretching powers to make himself taller and thus more attractive to women. (Yes, this is a real plot point in the movie!) It goes without saying, but that’s obviously what we meant when we said Cassie was attracted to Reed’s ability to elongate his body. What other meaning or application could that statement possibly have had?

In the end, Cassie dumps Reed, wanting more out of love than just money and stretchiness. She gets back together with Johnny, who is well known in all of comics lore for his stable, serious, and longstanding romantic relationships with women.

But in a surprise plot twist, Reed and Johnny become close friends, and they begin to form their fateful foursome–er, team of four people. Johnny sets Reed up with his sister Sue, and the rest is history! Vanessa Kirby makes an uncredited cameo as Sue Storm/the Invisible Woman, though she’s invisible the entire time and never actually shown onscreen.

Sensitive viewers should be cautioned: this movie contains language! While some traditional Marvel heroes like Captain America might object, we all know from Deadpool and Wolverine that Johnny Storm has no qualms whatsoever about using those kinds of words!