Ex-Vampire Robert Pattinson Knocks Jared Leto’s Morbius

Photos: Sony Pictures (left), Wikipedia (right)

LONDON–Following Monday’s release of the trailer for Marvel and Sony’s upcoming Morbius film, actor Robert Pattinson expressed jealousy of Jared Leto’s role as Michael Morbius. Pattinson, best known for his role as teenage vampire heartthrob Edward Cullen in the Twilight films, compared his own character to that of Morbius, a Spider-Man villain with vampire-like powers.

“Why is Leto getting so much attention?” Pattinson lamented following generally positive fan response to the Morbius trailer. “I was a much better vampire by far. Just ask any teenage girl from 2008–they’ll tell you.”

“I bet Leto would make an awful supervillain anyway,” Pattinson continued. “I mean, who does this joker think he is? He’s always just clowning around. Casting him in a role like this is basically suicide.”

At publishing time, Pattinson had announced his intention to put a stop to Leto’s success in the only logical way. In order to establish himself as the superior vampire, Pattinson will dress up like a giant bat and make himself a sworn enemy of Leto’s supervillain roles.

“It sounds like an odd choice, but I think the fans will love it,” Pattinson explained. “Maybe I could even get some of the other Morbius cast members on my side. Do you think someone like Michael Keaton would ever go for the whole ‘giant bat’ motif?”

Morbius hits theaters on July 31st, 2020. Many fans are fervently hoping that, unlike the vampires in question, it doesn’t suck.

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