ASGARD, YGGDRASIL–Following numerous confirmed cases of the coronavirus in the realm of Midgard–or Earth, as the locals call it–All-Father Odin of Asgard has placed a ban on all travel to and from Earth for at least the next 30 days.
The All-Father’s decision was based largely on counsel from his advisor, the all-seeing Heimdall. “I can see how quickly this plague is spreading,” Heimdall commented. “I also see every time a Midgardian touches their face or doesn’t wash their hands. And can you believe how people are acting in grocery stores? Truly, this accursed realm is no place for the gods.”
The ban is not as popular among some Asgardians. For instance, Odin’s son Thor had hoped to travel to Earth again to visit his girlfriend, Dr. Jane Foster. “Though the rainbow bridge be closed, perchance I might still find a worthy transport at reduced cost,” Thor commented. “Verily, the Mighty Thor fears no Coronas. Nay, he drinks them by the dozen!”
While some have claimed that Odin’s response is overblown, as the virus is only deadly for the elderly, Odin sees this as all the more reason to protect Asgardians. “Everyone here in Asgard is at least a thousand years old,” the All-Father pointed out. “If these humans are already falling prey even at the spry young age of seventy, then surely our kind would stand not a chance!”
Thor, however, remains convinced that the virus is not nearly as serious as many seem to think. At publishing time, he had vowed to prove that the media’s mass panic was nothing more than an overblown hoax engineered by his brother Loki.