No Watery Tarts, No Swords, No Right to Rule? King T’Challa’s Reign Questioned

BIRNIN ZANA, WAKANDA – In a stunning development, King T’Challa’s right to kingship has come into question with the recent release of footage showing that a watery tart did not rise out of a pond and throw a sword at him to signify divine favor.

The Wakandans realized centuries ago that people don’t vote for kings. Obviously, supreme executive power must derive from some mandate, and the only mandate worth mandating is a serious aquatic ceremony involving men fighting to the death and ending with a watery tart lobbing a scimitar at the designated king as a basis for government.

This method of selecting kings may seem strange to westerners, but the Wakandans have found it immensely superior to autonomous collectives, believing it is the best method for preventing either violent systems or repressions.

We will update this story by swallow as it develops.

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