Photo: Marvel Studios
UNDERGROUND LAIR – Baron von Strucker, the president of H.Y.D.R.A., announced in a press conference today that the 2014 Project Insight attack in Washington, D.C. aimed at overthrowing world governments and taking over the world was actually the work of the political movement Antifa.
“Hydra is a scientific cooperative that has been operating since its founding in Germany in the 1930s,” Baron von Strucker argued. “It has been critical to furthering cutting-edge weapons research and broadening our understanding of the field of eugenics. Just because a small minority of its members served in the German armed forces and its civilian government in World War II does not mean it is evil nor that it is Nazi.”
Billionaire industrialist Obadiah Stane quickly tweeted in support. “Antifa has ‘fascism’ in its full name. They’re obviously fascist and evil. Antifa are the real villains.”
“Hydra had the stones to try to change the world,” the Mad Titan Thanos said in a prepared statement. “Antifa would rather people die from starvation and lack of resources than for a benevolent dictator to sacrifice half of humanity to safe the other half.”
*Edit* An earlier version of this article stated that Captain America supported Baron von Strucker’s statement by declaring “Hail Hydra.” In fact, he said “Hell, Hydra?” in apparent exasperation over the group’s continued popularity in America.