LOS ANGELES, CA – In recent years, stars Hugo Weaving and Benedict Cumberbatch have been in literally every Hollywood movie, though not at the same time.
Hollywood insiders, speaking upon condition of anonymity, have expressed concerns over Mr. Weaving’s unstoppable career following the success of the blockbuster Matrix trilogy. “He is so method that he became Agent Smith,” an awed actress, who is definitely not Carrie-Ann Moss, told us confidentially. “By the time filming wrapped, he was able to do kung fu effortlessly and to overwrite a person’s programming until that person became Hugo.” Other anonymous sources have confirmed that the only reasons he has not taken over every thespian in Hollywood is the fact that Keanu Reeves has also had a successful film career in the same time period and that Mr. Weaving chose to become the first arch-foe of Captain America.
Benedict Cumberbatch is one of earth’s most prolific actors and is also well-known for going deep into his characters. Despite a poor American accent, his MCU cast mates all commented positively on how thoroughly he assumed the mantle of earth’s Sorcerer Supreme. “The scene in Avengers: Infinity War where he multiplies himself to fight against Thanos wasn’t special effects,” actor Tom Holland said as he shook his head in disbelief. “Benedict did that.” Now, it seems, Mr. Cumberbatch is using these newfound powers to star in multiple movies at once. He is anticipated to appear in approximately 96% of all movies filmed next year.
While many have expressed their concerns, prominent lawmakers have enthusiastically greeted this new development. One anonymous senator told us privately that he is relieved that we can have an army of clones to save our Republic.