Photo: Marvel and Netflix
LOS GATOS, CA–In the wake of DisneyPlus becoming a major competitor for Netflix’s subscribers, Netflix has issued a devastating ultimatum. Unless DisneyPlus shuts down immediately, Netflix will continue to create and release further episodes of Marvel’s Iron Fist.
“I don’t think we have to remind any of you what this would mean,” a spokesperson for Netflix said grimly at a press conference. “Slow, boring action scenes. Bad dialogue. Unlikeable and immature main characters. More issues with whitewashing and cultural appropriation. And that’s only the beginning.”
“And we can easily follow through,” the spokesperson continued. “Season 2 ended on quite the cliffhanger before the show was put out of its misery. Heck, there are probably some extreme Marvel loyalists out there who might actually enjoy another season. They would thank us for bringing it back. Finn Jones told us he’s good for another 5 seasons, at least. But are you? Think about your next moves very carefully.”
“Look, none of us wants more Iron Fist,” said Netflix. “But we’ll do it if we have to–if Disney forces our hand. We hope that they’ll do the right thing and shut down DisneyPlus very soon.”
At publishing time, Netflix was threatening to put un-skippable segments of Iron Fist episodes at the beginning of episodes of their other major shows. When Netflix’s demands remained unmet, they continued making drastic threats of cruel and unusual actions, including reviving Marvel’s Inhumans series and picking up The Walking Dead once it finally goes off the air.