Photos: Marvel Studios (top left); Lucasfilm (bottom left); Wikimedia Commons (right)
LOS ANGELES, CA–A groundbreaking study conducted by the American Film Institute has revealed a startling discovery: a very high number of film and television productions are works of fiction, not chronicling real people’s lives but instead featuring various scripted characters portrayed by actors. In fact, the study posits the existence of an entire industry of professional actors involved in film and TV, ultimately concluding that an actor as a person is a completely separate and distinct entity from any character they may portray onscreen.
This revolutionary research uses as a case study the character of John Walker from Disney’s The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Researchers divulge that John Walker seems to be an entirely fictitious entity, tracing his origins back to American comic books in the 1980s. Keen scholars also note that both the show’s credits and several external sources list Walker as being portrayed by actor Wyatt Russell, a real-life individual who has appeared in other media and is not actually synonymous with Walker.
“This study carries profound implications for the way we treat characters and actors,” explains Dr. H. Ollie Wood. “Firstly, the long-held assumption that an actor is synonymous with their character no longer holds any credibility.”
“Secondly, with this theory in mind, there’s absolutely no reason to bully actors on social media or send them death threats just because you don’t like a certain character. Who would even do something like that, anyway?” The study also conclusively proves that the people who engage in this kind of behavior against actors are actually toxic, pretentious assholes who have no life.
“While the research is inconclusive, our findings suggest that Wyatt Russell might actually be a nice and cool guy in real life,” Dr. Wood added. Beloved actress Goldie Hawn has corroborated these findings.
Further research suggests that a similar situation may be true of Rose Tico in the latest Star Wars trilogy, who scholars believe is actually a fictional character portrayed by actress Kelly Marie Tran. While it’s uncertain just how deep this facade may run within the film and TV industry, it seems we can all learn something from these profound discoveries.