NEW YORK–A recent study from the CDC (Collateral Damage Counters) determined that the world’s collective supervillains have killed less than 1% of the population. This data has led to many members of the superhuman community questioning the efficacy or necessity of fighting supervillains.
“Loki allegedly killed 80 people in Germany, but that’s only about 1 in a million!” Thor commented. “And it wasn’t anyone I know. Guess he isn’t really that deadly after all!”
“And Ultron hardly killed anyone!” added Tony Stark. “Sure, some Sokovians died from the collateral damage, but that was a separate complicating condition. It wasn’t technically Ultron who killed them.”
“Thanos did kill 50% of people, but they all made a full recovery,” said Captain Steve Rogers. “With such a high survival rate, I don’t see why I should have to put on a mask and go fight villains.”
“Plus, some villains seem to only target the elderly,” said Spider-Man. “And I’m sure failing to stop just one crime can’t be that dangerous for your elderly loved ones. Right?” Uncle Ben was unavailable for comment.
With the world’s collective heroes deciding that supervillains are no longer a serious threat, surely the world will be a much safer place! In fact, former crimefighter Adrian Veidt has voiced his opinion that killing a small percentage of the world’s population can actually yield great benefits for the human race as a whole.
So there you have it, folks! It sounds like there’s no real reason at all to take precautions against supervillain fatalities–no need for anyone to put on a mask and guard against this threat. Surely it’s best to just let the villains run rampant and hope that you and your loved ones aren’t part of the unfortunate 1%. We’ll all be safer and happier for it–well, except for that 1%!
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