USA–Investigators have received numerous reports of WB employees planning to put DVD copies of the theatrical cut of Justice League (2017) in with children’s candy during trick-or-treating this year. Parents are advised to use caution and be on the lookout.
Citizens are advised to be especially wary of any persons dressed up as DC characters or wearing DC paraphernalia, as they may be WB employees in disguise. Any person dressed as Aquaman should be avoided at all costs.
The Justice League theatrical cut has been known to produce toxic effects such as crushing disappointment, false hopes of a comprehensive cinematic universe, and a gateway drug into the writing of Joss Whedon. If you or your child does find a copy of the theatrical version of Justice League, do not open it or consume it under any circumstances. Dispose of it safely and quietly, or alert the authorities to have them dispose of it for you.
If you do find that you or your child has accidentally consumed all or part of the Justice League theatrical cut, don’t panic. Immediately log into DisneyPlus and watch any of the Avengers films–even Age of Ultron–to stave off any adverse effects. Experts are unanimous that the screenplay writer of The Avengers is far superior to that of Justice League.
This public service announcement has been brought to you by Marvelous Movies.