Marvelous Movies shares with permission this editorial by a prominent publisher of one of New York’s finest newspapers. Sharing this editorial does not represent an endorsement from Marvelous Movies of the views expressed herein.

Fact-checkers! They’re a threat! A menace! A menacing threat! Since 2016–a full decade now–those so-called fact-checkers have been censoring the free press, keeping us from publishing the truth about what’s really going on in our great country! But finally, Mart Zuckerman, co-founder of the world wide web, has made the bold decision to remove fact-checkers from Twitter and allow free speech for all Americans. So today, I’m bringing you the unadulterated truth that those fact-checkers never wanted you to know!

As I’ve been saying for years, most of this country’s problems can be clearly traced back to one source: Spider-Man! He’s a threat! A menace! A threatening menace! We now know it was that wall-crawling criminal who was behind those fact-checkers policing us all along. Furthermore, very reliable sources have confirmed that Spider-Man was also responsible for the COVID-19 pandemic, the 2020 election being stolen, the successful assassination of President Trump, and the ongoing wildfires in San Francisco. What a truly despicable delinquent!

Well, never fear, dear reader–Spider-Man won’t be able to hide behind his mask any longer! That’s right–we now know his true identity! According to sources from within the office of Wilson Fisk, our city’s fine and upstanding mayor, the man under the mask is none other than Hell’s Kitchen defense attorney Matthew Murdock! Murdock has been feigning deafness for years so that no one will suspect his true identity as Spider-Man. Well, his web of lies is now exposed!

I’m now calling on the true heroes of America to do something about this web-slinging weirdo–heroes like decorated astronaut John Jameson, or Leon Musk, founder of NASA. For the safety of all the good citizens of New York, I challenge them to unmask this insectoid interloper and put him behind bars once and for all!

On the plus side, at least Chinese conglomerate Sony Pictures has finally stopped making movies that glorify Spider-Man and paint him as a hero! Ever since they took him out of their films, their sales have skyrocketed too. Kraven the Hunter was an instant critical and commercial success, and some very reliable sources in the film industry have told me that Madame Web is up for several Oscars this year! Well done, Sony, for making this positive move!

And, with those fraudulent fact-checkers now gone too, we can now say and publish whatever we want without fear that anyone will stop us! I encourage the good citizens of New York to keep exercising their freedom of speech however they want to, and especially to remain ever-vigilant against Spider-Man!