Nicolas Cage Says MCU Movies Aren’t Real Cinema

NEW ORLEANS, LA–In an interview this past week, longtime actor Nicolas Cage added his voice to those of several other celebrities recently criticizing the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies for not being “real” cinema.

“I’ve got to go with Uncle Francis on this one. They just don’t make movies the way they used to anymore,” Cage lamented. “Everyone knows that real cinema involves a completely ridiculous actor hamming it up by taking on the most bizarre roles possible. And that’s just not what you get with the latest Marvel movies–what with their qualified actors, great chemistry, solid delivery, and near-perfect casting. What do they think they’re even doing?”

Cage also spoke of his time playing the title character in Ghost Rider (2007) and Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2012)–earlier Marvel films not connected to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. “Those movies clearly had the right idea. I’ve always felt that lackluster plots, predictably cheesy dialogue, and slow, boring action scenes were the sure way to go. You just can’t mess with the classics! But now Marvel is adding in all that new stuff–like unified storytelling, coherent continuity, and believable character growth!”

Cage continued, “Heck, they even gave depth and likeability to six different cartoon Spider-beings and somehow managed to weave them all together! It’s just not the same as the cheap, goofy, low-quality action films that cinema used to be.”

At publishing time, Cage was hoping to improve the current direction of the Marvel Cinematic Universe by submitting his proposed script for a Ghost Rider/Left Behind crossover film starring himself in the lead role. “Just wait ’til the Antichrist comes face to face with the Spirit of Vengeance,” Cage added. “He’ll never know what hit him!”