BURBANK, CA – The Walt Disney Company is having a banner week following the stunning success of its Disney+ release. In addition to its vast catalogue of movies and television shows from Disney and its affiliate studios, Disney+ has released a treasure trove of bonuses, including alternate endings for Avengers: Endgame, all of which hint at storylines that could have been.
Disney’s decision to have the Avengers solve the problem of “the Snap” through sending the MCU’s greatest heroes back in time to steal the Infinity Stones was controversial among both fans and the MCU screenwriters. Rumors of alternative scripts were rife even before the release of Avengers: Endgame, but it seems that not only did the scripts exist, but Marvel Studios filmed some of them. Some of the deleted ending scenes include:
- Healing all the characters who vanished in “the Snap” through a special concoction of essential oils whipped up in the lab by Tony Stark and Bruce Banner;
- Adding a CGI-resurrected Billy Mays into the movie to clean up the Avengers’ mess through a combination of all of his miracle products;
- Resurrecting all the vanished characters through a mixture of sugar, spice, everything nice, and Chemical X;
- Bill Winters & Ted Logan challenge Thanos (played by William Sadler) to a variety of board and tabletop games over the fate of the galaxy with Thanos becoming increasingly desperate and irritable as he loses;
- Mr. Rogers (played by Tom Hanks) arrives on scene and defeats both sides with a simple gesture of kindness;
- Employing a new superhero team, the Deus Ex Machina, which is composed of Ancient Greek deities to magically resolve the heroes’ dilemma; and
- Unleashing Squirrel Girl, played by Millie Bobby Brown.
Rumors continue to swirl through Disney and Marvel that the so-called “George Lucas Cut” will be released sometime next year. Disney has managed to keep a tight lid over the project, but we have heard that it will triple the amount of CGI employed in the films and will show that Uncle Ben shouted “MaClunkey” before getting shot by a mugger.
How long does everyone think Thanos could last going toe-to-toe with Millie Bobby Brown?