Marvelous Movies’ Essential Pandemic Survival Tips

Photos: AMC

The world is in panic as another deadly virus is sweeping the globe! Civilization as we know it seems to be coming to an end! But while society is shutting down left and right and resources may seem scarce, you don’t need to panic. You should be fine if you simply follow these foolproof, time-tested survival tips.

  • Integrate yourself into a group of other survivors as quickly as possible. Everyone is already infected anyway, so community is essential for survival now.
  • Stock up on essentials–like food, water, medicine, ammo, and of course, toilet paper. Remember, they’re no longer “grocery trips,” but “supply runs.”
  • Help maintain the safety of all members of your family. Don’t be a jerk and leave one of them behind in the hospital to fend for himself.
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  • Contrary to what the news has been telling you, Asian people actually tend to be great survivors. This should be a no-brainer, but don’t expect them to die right off the bat!
  • Just save some time and skip the visit to the CDC. They can’t help you anyway.
  • Find a secure place for your group to take shelter in, such as a large prison facility. What’s the worst that could happen?
  • When you do encounter the infected, always aim for the head.
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  • Wash your hands thoroughly and frequently–unless you just don’t have hands anymore. (But you still probably want to wash your stumps or knives or chainsaw-hands or whatever.)
  • If someone claims that the government is working on a cure to the virus, they’re probably lying, so don’t hold your breath.
  • If you see signs for a place called Terminus, just walk away. They’re already fed up with people.
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  • Actively avoid anyone wearing an eyepatch or wielding a baseball bat.
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  • If anyone coughs at all, even once, you should probably just kill ’em. They’re too far gone now.
  • To avoid spreading germs and resist the temptation to touch your face, consider wearing a mask at all times.
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  • This may sound harsh, but your survival adventures probably only need to last about 6 or 8 seasons at the very most. Anything beyond that just feels like overkill.

All photos: AMC

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