NEW YORK CITY–Zack Snyder’s long-awaited Justice League cut has birthed a brand new era of human progress, sources confirmed last week. While the 2017 theatrical cut was a grave injustice, the correction of this grievous error has righted a number of global wrongs.
Upon watching the Snyder Cut, key U.N. leaders have gathered to discuss world peace talks, inspired to new heights by the film’s unprecedented greatness. The U.S., North Korea, China, and Iran have all mutually agreed to disarm their weapons of mass destruction in an effort to avoid a nuclear apokolips. Even on a smaller scale, previously opposing U.S. politicians have now formed alliances built on renewed commitment to the public welfare, motivated largely by the awesomeness of the Snyder Cut.
“The release of the Snyder Cut marks a great day in human history, and a new chapter in the lives of the American people,” President Biden commented at a press conference last Friday. “Our descendants will look back on this day with pride.” Some are even saying that no DC film has been this inspirational since The Dark Knight.
Researchers also believe that anyone who views the Snyder Cut will develop instant and lifelong immunity to COVID-19, thus spelling the global pandemic’s death stroke. Indeed, the only darkseid to this development is that it didn’t happen four years sooner!