Photo: Marvel Comics

ATLANTA, GA – In a surprise announcement last week, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) has reversed its position on masked superhumans. Where it once opposed the efforts of several states to implement the Superhuman Registration Act (SHRA), the CDC is now calling for a public unmasking.

CDC Director Rochelle Walensky stated in a press briefing, “We are taking every step to protect the unmasked superhumans. For instance, no one will be allowed within six feet of these superhumans. This guideline will prevent anyone from getting close enough to harm them.” This decision was enthusiastically endorsed by noted philanthropist Brock Rumlow.

Dr. Anthony Fauci expressed his strong opposition on the SHRA with a terse, one-sentence statement. “Save the masks, save the world.” The world can only hope this entire experience doesn’t get rebooted.

President Biden has expressed support for the move, but has largely avoided wading into the controversy after the strong backlash against John Walker’s recent appointment as Captain America.