Done Recruiting for The Avengers, Nick Fury Recruits Heroes for His MLM

Photo: Marvel Studios

SPACE–Director Nicholas J. Fury, formerly of S.H.I.E.L.D. and world-famous for assembling the Avengers, has recently taken up a new task. With the remaining Avengers now well established, Fury has begun trying to recruit heroes for his multi-level marketing scheme instead.

“Yeah, it was kinda weird,” commented Peter Parker, who was recently exposed to the public as Spider-Man. “I got a call from Fury, and I thought it was gonna be a mission or something. But he just wanted me to sell make-up for him instead. He said he wanted to talk to me about ‘the Amway Initiative.'”

“I told him that wasn’t what the beeper was for,” said Captain Marvel. “And also that the entire beauty industry is just a tool of the patriarchy to make women feel inferior.”

“Verily, Fury spoke with me,” confirmed Thor of New Asgard. “But I said to him ‘nay’! The Mighty Thor is no traveling peddler, but a conquering warrior! And his flowing hair is already the most beautiful in all the nine realms!”

“So let me know if you guys want to buy anything,” Parker added, handing a thick catalog to this reporter. “The Bugle won’t take my photos anymore, and Aunt May and I could really use the cash.”

At publishing time, Fury was believed to be in outer space making contact with the alien Skrulls, presumably to recruit them for his MLM as well. Fury may be unaware that shapeshifting aliens have literally zero need for cosmetics.

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