NEW YORK–In response to heightening tensions in Ukraine, with Russian troops and Red Room operatives invading Kyiv, Captain Steve Rogers and other prominent members of the Avengers have made public statements about their planned courses of action. These responses come after repeated requests from Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy for international aid.
“We’ve told Black Widow that she could be kicked off the team if her country doesn’t start behaving itself pretty soon,” Capt. Rogers stated in a press conference. “I only wish there was more we could do. But sadly, none of us has much experience with stopping hostile European invasions.”
“Stark Industries has officially stopped all trade with the Russian government,” announced Tony Stark, a.k.a. Iron Man. “We’ll no longer be sending them any of our high-tech military battlesuits that we just happen to have lying around. I guess we’ll just have to find some other use for those, though nothing comes to mind at the moment.”
“Verily, Asgard, too, has cut off all ties with Russia,” reported Thor. “And Thor is pleased to report that the gods are receiving quite a few thoughts and prayers from the people of Midgard these days!”
According to the Hulk, the situation made him so angry that he would be writing a very harshly-worded letter to the Russian government, expressing strong disapproval of their actions.
The Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. have assured the American people that they’ll be monitoring the situation closely. “I’ve got my eye on this,” said S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury. “And I’ve got my best agents all hoping that the situation straightens itself out, soon!”
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