BURBANK, CA–Following successful contributions to the Marvel Cinematic Universe and his recent appointment as co-chairperson of DC Films, Hollywood executive James Gunn has announced his intention to ruin both prominent franchises with his unique directorial vision.
Gunn reminded viewers of his contributions in a recent press conference. “Remember how Phase One of the MCU had a lot of tonal variety, but every Marvel movie since 2014 has been a goofy, slapstick joke fest? You can thank me and the first Guardians of the Galaxy for that.”
“Well, I promise to do the exact same thing to the DCEU too,” Gunn continued. “The Suicide Squad and Peacemaker were just the beginning. Sure, we had to make some sacrifices along the way–like getting rid of dark and broody Henry Cavill.” Some fans believe DC has been Gunning for Cavill for a long time.
“But don’t you guys think someone like Chris Pratt would make a great Superman?” Gunn asked. “Or, what if we did Superman’s origin as a horror story? A movie like that would be sure to Burn Bright!”
As part of his quest to make the entire DC universe a ridiculous farce, Gunn announced plans to reintroduce the Bat-nipples for Matt Reeves’ The Batman sequel, and to have the Suicide Squad kidnap Kevin Bacon.
Perhaps best known for his work on the critically acclaimed live-action Scooby-Doo films and the highbrow web series James Gunn’s PG Porn, Gunn has often been praised for his highly artistic, intellectual storytelling and his reverent handling of thematic depth.
Gunn’s oversight of DC Films is expected to be so successful that he’s already filming a biopic about his own leadership role, entitled Top Gunn. The role of Gunn will be portrayed by The Flash alum Tom Cavanagh.