Palpatine Woman Identifies as a Skywalker
JAKKU–A local scavenger named Rey, the biological granddaughter of the late Emperor Palpatine, caused a stir recently when she publicly announced that she self-identifies as a Skywalker.
Public reaction to Rey’s controversial statement has been mixed. “It’s not natural,” said local junk boss Unkar Plutt. “What if she wants to use the Skywalker bathrooms instead of the Palpatine ones–or join the Skywalker Scouts instead of the Palpatine Scouts? What then, huh?”
“I say just let the girl b-b-be who she wants,” commented DJ, a codebreaker from Canto Bight. “What’s the big deal?” When asked if if Rey’s self-identification could have greater implications for galactic society, DJ merely shrugged and said, “Maybe.”
Rey’s traveling companion, the Wookiee Chewbacca, had perhaps the most thoughtful and balanced response to the issue. “Grrrr eegh auuggh, grarrgh augh egggrrrrrgh auuugh, errgh grrrrgh,” he told Marvelous Movies in an exclusive interview.
At publishing time, another case of controversial self-identification had been reported from Ben Solo, an angsty, pouty man-child who identifies instead as a fearsome Sith Lord.