BURBANK, CA– In a flurry of announcements last week, Disney+ announced it will be debuting 616 new original television series based upon Marvel Comics characters.
“Every named character in Marvel Comics history will be given their own TV show and backstory,” gushed Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige. “We’ll even have enough slots left over to reboot the Spider-Man franchise three or four more times!” The Blonde Who Flirted with Captain America that One Time, J. Jonah Jameson, Star-Lord’s Mom, Happy Hogan, and Kid from Iron Man 3 have already wrapped filming and are projected to release early next year. Larry King is also expected to star in TV shows providing the backstories of all Stan Lee’s cameo characters.
The flagship show is to be titled The Sentinel and will feature a nameless, faceless Sentinel choosing to protect a Baby Hulk with mysterious smash powers after he breaks the internet.
Not to be outdone, DC Comics, the major industry rival to Marvel Comics, announced it would be debuting 666 new shows next year on HBO Max. Each show is expected to include a visual reference to the murder of Batman’s parents.