WASHINGTON, D.C.–Rumors have been circling about a secret invasion by the shapeshifting alien Skrulls, who are believed to have covertly infiltrated militaries and governmental organizations of various nations. While some believe that Skrulls may even have replaced President Biden or other prominent U.S. leaders, the Skrulls have denied these claims, maintaining that there are certain people they simply won’t impersonate.

“The Skrulls are everywhere, and we just don’t know it yet!” alleged CIA agent Prescod in a leaked statement to the press. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve taken over our government at the highest levels. How else would you explain the absolutely terrible elections and leaders we’ve had since 2016?”

Skrull leader Gravik has released a statement formally denying these allegations: “While it’s true that the Skrulls have infiltrated many worldwide governments for our own sinister agenda, even we have standards. Skrulls have dignity, and no self-respecting Skrull would ever be caught dead wearing the face of someone like Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, or Joe Biden.”

“Besides,” Gravik added, “while Skrulls are master shapeshifters, replicating Trump’s hideous comb over is beyond even our capabilities.”

In response to this statement, a united movement of U.S. citizens across political lines has arisen to demand that the Skrulls reconsider their position on this issue, strongly urging them to replace both Trump and Biden before the 2024 election. It turns out that most Americans would prefer villainous aliens to any of the current presidential hopefuls. An online petition started last week has already reached nearly a million signatures.

The Skrulls’ positions on who they will and won’t impersonate continue to be met with Fury. And despite the wishes of so many U.S. citizens, Gravik insists that this is their Hill to Die on.