WASHINGTON, D.C.–In response to the dwindling but still active COVID-19 crisis, President Trump issued an executive order on Sunday that no American citizen older than a child be allowed to show his or her face to anyone else. To this end, and in compliance with CDC guidelines to prevent the further spread of the virus, all adults will now be required to wear Mandalorian helmets when in the presence of any other human being until further notice.
The order further states that anyone seen removing his or her Mandalorian helmet will never be allowed to put it back on again. Such offenders may also be subject to pursuit and capture by an elite and ruthless group of bounty hunters led by Carl Weathers.
When questioned about the rationale behind this extreme decision, especially at a time when the pandemic seems to be slowing down, CDC director Robert Redfield simply answered, “This is the way.” (At least, we think it was him, but it was honestly hard to tell under that helmet.)
This new requirement comes after the news of Disney donating stormtrooper helmets to COVID-19 patients. At publishing time, the entertainment giant was looking into designing oversized Mandalorian helmets that would somehow fit over their stormtrooper helmets.
This executive order goes into effect tomorrow night at midnight. Citizens are encouraged to contact and support their local armorers right away in order to procure their own Mandalorian helmets.
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