CAIRO, EGYPT–Famed wizard adventurer and author Gilderoy Lockhart recently shocked the world by announcing he has solved the famed Death on the Nile case. The 1937 killing has baffled generations of whodunnit fans and was sufficiently notorious to draw the interest of the world’s most famous wizard.
“It was pure genius,” Lockhart gushed. “I felt I was personally directing lightning bursts of inspiration and thundering revelations! A true Marvel!”
“I’m actually fuzzy on the details,” admits Lockhart’s traveling companion and world-renowned superhero Wonder Woman. “I mean, I generally try to be helpful when it comes to solving murders. It killed me I could not be more helpful.”
Wakandan Princess Shuri confessed her memories are equally fuzzy. “I made a note I had figured out the murderer, but I don’t remember actually doing the work of gathering everyone with me into a central room to dramatically reveal the killer in public. Mad respect to Wizard Lockhart!”
In a press conference earlier, Wizard Lockhart mentioned that Death on the Nile, a dramatic recreation of his investigation, is hitting theaters on February 11. Unfortunately, when reporters tried to ask him if he could use his prodigious talents with magic and healing to defeat COVID-19 and all its new variants, Wizard Lockhart did not hear them as he was rushing off stage.