Release the Lucas Cut of Episodes VII-IX

Image: LucasFilm

This weekend’s release of the Wonderful Snyder Cut caps off a years-long campaign by dedicated DC fans to see the original vision for the lackluster Justice League film. Snyder’s version had a Super reception among the fanbase who had gone to Bat for its release. The success of the Snyder Cut has even given Star Wars fans a Flash of inspiration. Why not Force Disney to release a Lucas Cut of the controversial sequel trilogy?

“C’mon,” fan Kay Deus argued in an online posting. “We all know Lucas would have done a much better job. I mean, Abrams screwed up the name of the Han and Leia’s son. Also, Lucas’s vision included a daughter for Han and Leia and a wife for Luke. They completely cut those two characters out! It’s disgraceful and anti-feminist. Plus, Luke’s wife was a redhead, and I’m pretty sure discrimination against the soul-challenged is also unethical somehow.”

“Don’t even get me started on the quality of the films themselves,” Kay Deus continued. “In Lucas’s vision, we would have actually had a unified plot and something called character development, which Abrams and Johnson have obviously never heard of. Plus, the romantic subplots wouldn’t be so jumbled. Lucas is the master of romantic subplots and dialogue. Heck, no one even talked about sand in the entire sequel trilogy. Disgraceful!!”

Embattled Disney executives have expressed shock at the Mauling they have received from longtime fans. One source, speaking upon condition of anonymity, stated, “The fans are just going to Plague Us until we put new life into the sequels.”

Ian McDiarmid and the estates of Carrie Fisher, Peter Cushing, and Alec Guinness have all gone on record to support bringing the sequels back from the dead.

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