Pedro Pascal Conclusively Linked to Reviving Tired Franchises

BURBANK, CA–A groundbreaking study based on empirical evidence has established a conclusive link between actor Pedro Pascal and the reviving of tired, washed-out franchises. The study was based on data from late 2019 in which Pascal starred in The Mandalorian, arguably the best thing to happen to Star Wars since the original trilogy. Upon seeing this data, Warner Bros. executives have made a concerted effort to revive the lackluster DC Extended Universe by casting Pascal in the upcoming film Wonder Woman 1984.

“If you vote for Pedro, then all of your wildest dreams will come true,” said a spokesperson for DC. Photo: MTV Films

Sources report that after watching The Mandalorian, Warner Bros. executives took a vote on whether or not to cast Pascal. One spokesperson for DC, a thin man with glasses and curly hair, stated at a board meeting that “if you vote for Pedro, then all of your wildest dreams will come true.”

Putting the actor into a tired franchise to revive it–a move which some experts have termed “Pascal’s Wager”–has been attempted before, such as in the latter portion of the CBS series The Mentalist. The move is now expected to do Wonders for the DCEU, just as it did for Star Wars. DC executives are now fully convinced that This Is The Way for them to go.

Image result for funko Martian Manhunter
Photo: Funko

While great things are expected from Pascal’s performance, DC is preparing to take further cues from The Mandalorian as needed if their first plan for franchise revival falls through. Plans have been discussed for a TV series entitled The Gothamite, in which Batman, a tough, militant loner with a soft spot for kids, must protect baby J’onn J’onnzz across the mean streets of Gotham.

Should DC’s efforts at revival be successful, however, Pascal is also expected to be cast in several other tired franchises in desperate need of reviving. At this rate, he will most likely be lending his talents for playing mysterious, badass bounty hunter characters to the franchises of X-Men, Terminator, Pirates of the Carribbean, and The Walking Dead.

Wonder Woman 1984 releases on June 5th.

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