NEW YORK–Last week, billionaire industrialist Tony Stark, a.k.a. Iron Man, changed the landscape of the superhuman community with a bold new announcement. Stark will sell verified status of compliance with the Sokovia Accords to eligible superhumans who can pay a monthly fee of eight dollars.
First ratified in 2016 and controversial from the start, the Sokovia Accords require known superhumans to register with their respective governments in order to continue operating publicly. Stark, a leading advocate of the Accords since their inception, has implemented his new policy in cooperation with U.S. Secretary of State Thaddeus Ross. “This seemed like the best way to verify participants’ identities and eliminate confusion while also giving everyone an equal chance to register,” Stark announced in a press conference.
While Stark’s move is revolutionary, detractors see it as a cash grab that will only increase confusion in the superhuman community. Anyone can now create a fake name and register as a superhuman for only eight dollars a month. For instance, one participant registered as Hawkeye but was later revealed not as Avenger Clint Barton but as college student Kate Bishop. Similar situations have arisen involving fake-but-verified accounts of Thor, Black Panther, and more.
“Tony already betrayed Steve–and now he wants to profit from it?” asked a fake-but-verified Captain America account, identified as former USAF pilot Sam Wilson.
“Stark may be a money-hungry capitalist, but at least he’s giving everyone a fair shot,” posted a fake-but-verified Hulk account, identified as San Francisco attorney Jennifer Walters. “Plus, this way I can get a front-row seat to watching him completely drive the Accords into the ground.”
Some superhumans have voiced additional concerns. “I want to follow the law, but eight dollars a month sounds really steep,” claimed an unverified Spider-Man account. “I’m still trying to help my aunt make rent. And crimefighting doesn’t exactly pay the bills!”
Nonetheless, Stark seems very satisfied with the results of the recent decision. “We’ve just hit another all-time high with Accords registration!” Stark added yesterday while more and more lawyers nationwide continued filing suits against the Accords. “Trust me, the future of verified superheroes has never looked brighter.”