WESTVIEW, NJ–While the terrible year of 2020 was previously believed to be a direct result of Flashpoint, new sources now reveal witch person was the true culprit: none other than Agatha Harkness all along. Harkness, currently residing in suburban New Jersey, admitted late last week to “pulling every evil string” behind a spell of strange events recently brewing in the Westview area. Upon further investigation, sources confirm that Harkness is also behind a number of other social problems and nefarious deeds, including but not limited to:
- The untimely demise of local dog Sparky
- The COVID-19 global pandemic
- The U.S. presidential election of 2020
- Murder hornets (wait, are those still a thing?)
- Multiple attacks previously believed to be the work of ANTIFA and/or Hydra
- The DC Extended Universe films
- The cancellation of Firefly
- Pineapple on pizza
- Country music
- Fortnite dances
As if this ongoing crucible weren’t enough, there’s even more at stake. At publishing time, Harkness and her associate, Wanda Maximoff, were being investigated for allegations of witchcraft.
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