The No Way Home Paradox

Image: Marvel Studios

BURBANK, CA – With the Spider-Man: No Way Home release just days away, Marvelous Movies’ sources inside Disney tell us that excitement over the new movie is reaching a fever pitch. Kevin Feige is reported to have announced in a staff meeting, “We think the concept of Spider-Man messing with the very fabric of reality to save Uncle Ben and to make his life easier is going to be the Point where we Flash to a brighter future for the MCU!”

Image: Sony Pictures

“A total timeline reset has never been done before!” Feige continued. “We could conceivably go ahead and reset the entire continuity of the MCU. We could bring back Iron Man and Captain America!”

As Feige warmed to his subject, he began to think aloud. “Hey! Maybe we could have a timeline where Tony Stark is killed as a child and Howard Stark becomes Iron Man while Maria Stark becomes Carnage!

Most Disney and Marvel employees are also holding out hope that Black Widow would be friends with them again, but fear remains high at both companies that the relationship between the world’s greatest spy and the world’s greatest entertainment company may have gone over a cliff.

A Marvel Studios spokesperson told us, “We have a full 52 reasons why we think we can reboot the MCU with New backstories. Heck, look at the X-Men franchise. We proved Marvel characters are so good and so compelling that timelines, reality, or even basic continuity are totally unnecessary for people to keep plugging into these movies. We even played the Dark Phoenix timeline twice and garnered complete indifference from the fandom!”

When we asked if this reboot would mean officially erasing both Fantastic 4 franchises, the same spokesperson assured us, “Absolutely. Although, be on the lookout for Johnny Storm coming back as a completely new character.”

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