MODESTO, CA–An overwhelming majority of Star Wars fans actually hate Star Wars, according to a recent poll conducted by the International Discussion Group About Fandoms (I.D.G.A.F.). A growing number of individuals identifying as Star Wars fans have grown overly critical of much of the franchise’s content from the past few decades.
“Of course I love Star Wars,” commented Christian Haydensen, 40, of Vancouver. “But, I mean, the good ones from when I was growing up. None of this prequel crap with that awful dialogue and acting. I’d rather eat sand–or walk on shattered glass–than have to sit through five minutes of those movies ever again.”
“Sure, the prequels suck,” agreed Kyle Renner, 37, of San Diego. “But the only thing that sucks worse is the sequels. They had no character development, no originality, and no directorial vision to act as a Driver for the trilogy. Disney has ruined Star Wars for good.”
“And don’t even get me started on all these changes they keep making to the originals!” said Mac Lunkey, 29, of Birmingham. “We all know who shot first. If it was made after the originals, then it doesn’t count!”
When told that some members of the younger generation did enjoy the Star Wars prequel and sequel films, Renner explained, “Well, they must not be true fans, then. A true Star Wars fan shows their loyalty by complaining about every new movie that comes out, trash-talking the creators, and bullying the actors on social media.”
“The Original Trilogy was really the only good part of Star Wars,” added Alden Harrison, 31, of Los Angeles. “Well, except for Return of the Jedi, of course. I mean, a bunch of fluffy teddy bears defeating the great galactic empire solo? Come on!” Harrison, while wearing a faded Darth Vader T-shirt, went on to state that no good Star Wars media of any kind had been released since 1980.
Not everyone agrees with these fans’ negative assessment, though. “I think the new stuff has been great,” commented Pascal Peterson, 46, of Chile. “Especially that one show with the little green guy. What’s that one called, again?”